Master Is Dark

I named him Master. I named him Master because he seems to understand me. I named him because he looks like he cares. I named him Master because when he smiles everything becomes alright; the sky is blue, air is pure and irksome is funny. I named him Master because he knows how to touch me, how to kiss me and he doesn’t just know how but where. I call him Master because he makes me squeal, moan and shiver; easily. I call him Master because when he’s not doing these things I can’t think of nothing else. So I wake and go out about my day in a hurry only because I can’t wait for the day to end so I can see him again.

Master is dark, so dark, it scares me to tears. He hits me repeatedly and gags me and pulls my hair so hard that I feel like trash, used, incapable and the worst part is, I get turned on with every strike. It isn’t possible that I enjoy being debased right? Yes I can enjoy domination to an extent but this is too much, or is it? I ask because my clit throbbed still and this one time when I gathered the strength to pull out and curl myself up in a foetus position away from him, he spanked me and I still moaned regardless of my tears. When eventually he realized I was in tears he held me gently and gave me soft kisses that only made me want to forgive him and love him more than I already did. Master is gentle and caring too; he wants me to tell him everything I think and it makes me compliant; a victim. I don’t want to be the victim; I never want to be the victim but he makes being a victim so easy and comfortable.

His touches still ignite me, his smiles humble me and his eyes see me. I am drawn deeper than I thought possible and my fate in this dilemma doesn’t look good. He gives me the option to stay away or run away when I want but I find that I don’t want to. I want even more to bask in the essence that is him because I know Master is not ready to be mine and maybe might never be mine and that truth there is what breaks me. I know there would always be others. I know I will love again and be happy again when he does leave but I’m still scared the next one wouldn’t be half as perfect and imperfect as Master. What I fear most isn’t the future, it is the now, that moment when I realize it is about to end or it has already ended. Master is going to break my heart.